i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
why does every cop we meet know your name?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
