if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
