Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
