I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
