I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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