i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
