shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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