There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
