That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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