I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
