she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
