Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
