I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
