____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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