Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
