I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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