wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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