I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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