bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
