Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
