Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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