I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
