I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
