Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
