I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
