why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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