I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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