I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Please, let me fuck your mom
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
