At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
