I don't remember. Are we still dating?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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