yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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