btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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