Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
