I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize