I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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