Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
