How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize