I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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