Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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