Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
