She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize