if i can run in heels then i can drive
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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