you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
