if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We got so high we made milksteak
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
