So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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