Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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