Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
