God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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