You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
