The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We named our party play list daddy issues
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
