His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize