You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
