me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
