i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
