You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
