fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
