Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
