Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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