please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
