Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
