He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
