Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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