I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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