ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
