Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
