A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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