Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
