She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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