So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
