high people should be assigned attendants
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
