she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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