Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
