wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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